That was seriously intense and painful in a good way. Quite probably the darkest episode of Seihantai na Kimi to Boku to date. But it felt totally organic to the story – the product of two seasons of slow and patient buildup. And it pretty much confirmed that Taira and Azuma are the de factor main characters of Seihantai at this point. They’re basically the only ones with any real suspense in their story arcs, but it’s much more than that. I have no doubt that the series will finish on Tani and Suzuki, but at this point it’s clear Koucha-sensei knows these two are the breakout characters in a cast full of really good ones.

I have a lot of thoughts, obviously. That was definitely not easy to watch, but not in the cringe way Asa from Yomi no Tsugai is hard to watch. No, this hurt because it rang so true. And it was a painful reminder of just how hard it is to be an adolescent, even one on the brink of what society thinks of as adulthood like these two are. Everything is just to fucking complicated to begin with, but then you have these exams which will effectively determine the course of your life. Shino doesn’t want screwing that up for Shuuji on her head – how can she confess her feelings now of all times, even if their relationship desperately needs her to do just that?

She at least is pretty clear on what she’s feeling. She admits to herself she’s in love. She admits to Aoi that it’s probably one-sided. But she can’t help acting giddy when she and Taira hang out. He notices, but she can’t stop. That whole train car thing I can totally relate to – the one closest to the transfer gate is always packed, and you can usually get a seat if you ride at the other end of the train (which is irritating as hell when you have no choice because of your transfer time). Shuuji lets it slip that he’s been riding the packed car in order to be with her, but how much can she safely read into that?

Even looking at their middle school yearbook doesn’t help. As miserable as Shuuji looks in every photo she still finds him cute. During the culture festival she seeks him out as he’s throwing away the trash so they can have an alone moment (and photo) together. We get only the briefest check-ins with the other two pairs. Yuusuke is clearly hiding from Miyu that his first choice school is long-distance. Kentarou has black hair for his class activity (I think he looks better that way) and Nishi is grinding over telling him about a problem she has that she wants to solve herself. But it all pales in comparison to what’s going down with the main two.

Shuuji is just a fascinating piece of work. I think animanga fans have gone way overboard slapping the neurodivergent tag on every introverted character out there. But I do wonder about Taira-kun, with his abject inability to decipher emotional cues. And his conviction that he can’t feel things the way other people can. I’ll say this much – his sister is dead-wrong about him (though you get why she’d make that mistake). Shuuji is totally thinking about Shino, like all the time. He just doesn’t understand her. The two guys saying they always assumed he didn’t have a girlfriend by choice was a very telling moment. Shuuji looks the part, but he doesn’t speak the language.

This week Shuuji was taking some abuse on a forum for not reciprocating Shino’s feelings, and my defense of him was “I just don’t think the idea that a girl who actually knows him could be romantically interested in him is a possibility Taira even considers. It’s inconceivable.”. This episode pretty much confirmed that. So when he finally connects the dots and realizes why Azuma-san is acting like she is around him, that’s a moment that shakes him to the core. And sets off a torrent of self-doubt, which is certainly his specialty. He doesn’t want to believe it’s true – but if it is, he’s terrified of what it means.

Here’s the thing. While the instinct is to condemn Shuuji for not giving it a go with Shino out of fear of what might happen, he may just be right. If he can’t be half of a relationship emotionally, wouldn’t it be selfish of him to enter into it? There is conventional fear, sure – “I just want things to stay the way they are”. But – clearly – this boy truly believes he can’t love anyone the way Shino loves him if his suspicions are right. His diagnosis of “self-love” is pretty hard on himself even by his standards, but that doesn’t mean hie concern is unwarranted.

Oy. The truth is, now things can never be the same, no matter what he does. Initially that’s avoidance, then denial (he convinces himself he was wrong, but not very convincingly). Sadly, this whole part of existence just comes easier for some people than it does for others, and these two are definitely others. Shino doesn’t want it to change either – her “worst case scenario” is the same as Shuuji’s, the end of their relationship. But the genie is out of the bottle now, and there’s no going back. There are no easy paths forward at this point, but the choice seems pretty clear. Certain pain, or a long-shot bet that carries the risk of even greater heartbreak.