I taglined my post last week with “Unless you’re one too, you can’t understand how hard it is for someone most comfortable in their own company to let someone else into their space”. One of my fundamental truths is that there exists a gap in understanding between extroverts and introverts. And, as such, they can never truly know how the other is feeling. Empathy and understanding are two different things, and empathy certainly helps. One can learn someone else’s patterns, and adjust their behavior to make the other person (and themselves) more comfortable. But they can never feel what the other is feeling.

There are an awful lot of things that Ikoku Nikki does well. But its grasp of this fundamental truth is the most penetrating, for me. Indeed, I think introversion is a topic anime and manga seem to be very good at depicting, and that may very well be one reason why I was drawn to them in the first place. Writers tend to be introverts more than the average person, and that seems to be even more the case with mangaka. It really struck me this week how much of myself I see in Makio, and this is how I know the mangaka is like we are. Our circumstances are different – and our gender of course – but I know this character very well.

Asa? I like her. She’s adorable. And I feel for her, living through what she has. But – like Makio – I can never understand what her loneliness feels like. This was the truthiest moment of the episode for me – when Makio said being around others exhausted her, and she could only work alone. And Asa replied “Isn’t that lonely?”. That hit like a ton of bricks because in my experience – and I would wager most introverts would say the same – this is what extroverts almost always say when we describe our most comfortable environment. The question itself reflects a complete lack of understanding of who introverts are, but getting mad about it doesn’t accomplish anything. That’s just how it is.

This is a fundamental hurdle in Asa and Makio’s relationship. And so is the resentment Makio feels towards Minori (which is also a theme of this episode). That Makio has friends helps, because Asa gloms onto them for community. This is why she keeps asking for their LINE ID’s, of course – community is terrifically important to her. Shingo is the latest she meets, and he and she hit it right off. He’s a kind and kinda sexy older guy, which certainly doesn’t hurt. Asa immediately assumes the two are dating, and it’s easy to see why – their vibe is very warm and at ease together. This is clearly complicated – they were friends, then lovers, then friends again, and in the future who knows?

The first day of school is coming, and all the “mendo” details along with it. Asa needs a bento box, and bentos every day for starters. Then there’s the entrance ceremony, which Asa tells Makio not to attend. Even childless Makio knows this is a bit off, but she doesn’t push too hard because – let’s be honest – she’d rather not have to go. But in truth Asa really wants her there, especially when everyone else’s folks are kicking up a fuss. Emiri’s mom is there too, and after apologizing (I would adjudge halfheartedly) for graduation-gate she starts asking a lot of questions about Makio. Every instinct is screaming out to me – this lady is gonna be trouble.

Love and hate are a part of all this. Earlier one of Makio’s gal pals asked her if she couldn’t love Asa because of how she feels about her mother, and Makio never directly addresses this. I don’t know if Makio literally hated her sister, but when Asa asks about the reason she very testily and firmly declares that’s a question she won’t answer. Emiri’s mom sends her over to to spy out Asa’s home life, and Makio flatly shoots down the mother’s intentions to buy her a gift. I get this – gift exchanges are a pain in the ass and I would much rather not be bothered. But this is going to get back to Nara-san, and makes it that much more likely that trouble is coming from that direction.

That scene with the two girls nattering away, slowly pounding nails into Makio’s head – I so felt that. The reality of what she’s let herself in for here is really hitting home. Asa is doing nothing wrong, that’s the problem – but for Makio, this is beyond stressful. And later when Asa breaks down crying, Makio has to do a totally unnatural thing and try to comfort her. But platitudes are just not something Makio has in her – she can’t sugarcoat this to make it easier for Asa to swallow. Asa needing company and Makio needing to be alone are an irresistible force and an immovable object, forever in opposition. It’s who each of them are and they can’t wish it away.

The ultimate question, then, is whether Makio can ever come to love Asa. Because, make no mistake, Asa (unburdened by any personal baggage) loves her. And, more importantly, needs to be loved. Preferably by as many people as possible. Makio is surely capable of love constitutionally – introverts love just as deeply than extroverts, they just do it more selectively. And I think there are other people in her life she does love. But Asa? There are two obstacles here, Asa’s mother and the gulf between their two essential natures. I think the second is by far the more difficult hurdle to overcome – let’s not pretend it isn’t harder to love someone whose primary impact on our lives is making us uncomfortable. But I suspect she will get there eventually.