If someone were to ask me what this episode of Ikoku Nikki was about, I would – and could only – answer “Life”. And that’s the highest compliment I can pay it. It might seem self-evident – I mean, all fiction is about life, isn’t it? But only on a superficial level. And this show is anything but superficial. It goes deep, very deep – as deep as any anime I’ve watched in a long time. It gets to the essence of what life is in ways both universal and very specific, which is a truly remarkable achievement. And It clears the mythical Enzo “profound yet simple” bar with lots of room to spare.

As far as that specific vs. universal stuff, in very broad terms I think Makio is the basis of the former and Asa the latter. All of us have been or are teenagers (unless you’re going to be, and I can’t think are tons of that demographic watching this show). I was never a teenage girl but so much of the adolescent experience truly is universal – especially the frustration. Gender or sexual preference or nationality seems not to play into it – there’s no more teenaged phrase than “It’s not fair”. Asa has a very particular hardship in her life of course – she lost her parents together, and tragically young. But she still struggles with the same frustrations every teen I ever knew did.

Makio, OTOH, is a person I feel like only people who have a lot of her in their own psyche are really going to get. She’s a weirdo when viewed from the outside, a square peg, a nail that sticks up. Asa certainly doesn’t get her yet (and in many respects never will – they’re too different). But Asa still finds Makio fascinating, like a weird zoo animal. The thing is, I get the lightbulb of recognition flashing so many times watching Makio that it almost scares me. I mean, one thing I know from experience is that people who don’t write usually think writing is easy. I mean, how hard could it be? They’re just words! Monkeys, typewriters and Hamlet and all that, right? If you only knew…

After what was by far its most conventional and emotionally intense episode, Ikoku Nikki went completely in the opposite direction this week, and didn’t lose a step. In the aftermath of that ep Asa takes ten days off school – which sounds like a lot, but after what she went through I think is eminently reasonable. Then life, as is its wont, goes on. The rest of this, effectively, is scenes from life. Conversations, moments, reflections. Makio and her friend group, Asa and Emiri. Kasamichi-kun and Makio, and a new figure – Juno-san, a novelist sempai Makio calls in (at Shingo’s suggestion) to help with her writer’s block. The first-years in the band club, even Asa’s grief counselor (though there’s not much conversing happening there).

The essential conflict driving all this, I think, is Asa’s perfectly understandable but naive conviction that people figure shit out when they grow up. She just wants it all to make sense – what to do with her life. What to study, what work to do, guys. Writing lyrics, which someone with her troubles should be able to do easily. But Makio doesn’t have those answers for herself, never mind anyone else. Maybe some people do, but I sure as hell don’t. You sponge stuff from other people, incorporate it into your own experience, but mostly we’re all winging it. Emiri asks Makio if being a novelist is fulfilling and there’s not a moment’s hesitation before the answer – “not at all”.

That conversation – Emiri and Asa noodging each other and bantering with Makio – is one of many in this episode that awed me with how natural and authentic they were. Shingo’s various visits were great too. Makio confided to her friends that she broke up with him because he was too perfect. No deeper reason than that. How centered he seems to be exhausted her. But he’s got plenty of baggage of his own, that’s for sure. Asa scolds him that he needs to be stricter with Makio (which is really her way of saying she wishes Makio were stricter with her). But that’s not his role in the relationship. He’s the anchor, the safe port in a storm, the warm blanket on a cold night with the aircon broken. Is that fair to him? No – but if he’s happy, does it matter?

We don’t stop complaining about the unfairness of life (if we stop) when we grow up because life becomes fair – it’s because we’ve accepted that it isn’t. Then we have Juno-san, who proves a very interesting addition to the cast. The fact that they’re who Makio called when blocked creatively (again, thanks Kasamichi-kun) suggests a mentor role there. Juno is cheeky, irreverent, and pretty wise. They take an interest in Asa but call her “Chibi” which hits Asa right in her sore spot. I don’t think Juno gives Makio any specific “advice” that gets her through her dark patch. It’s just being there – an ear, a voice, a joke. A reminder that if she sticks with it, Makio will get through this.

Poor Asa. She wants it to be simple, and explainable. She wants life to repay her for screwing her over. When she goes to Makio for advice on her lyrics, what she initially gets is too technical. But when Makio tries to make it simple she comes up with “Write with the intent to kill”. And all Asa can offer in response is “Why do you always talk weird like that?”. “I wonder if I’ll ever know who I am, what I do and don’t love and how I’ll live my life. Maybe someday I’ll figure it out.” is not a thought Makio shares with Asa – that’s for herself alone. It would offer Asa little comfort, that’s for certain. But even if age doesn’t bring certainty, it does bring the ability to take some comfort in the truth – even if it’s not a truth we want to hear.