I don’t think there can be any doubt, Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue. is slowly trying to kill me.  This show just knows where all my buttons are, and it’s relentless about pushing them.  There’s definitely something to be said about a series that’s the right “fit” for you – I mean, when you watch and you feel as if the writer is speaking to you in code, that’s a very good sign.  For entirely different reasons I felt that way with Watamote (as Tomoki, not Tomoko) but I’m not sure there’s been another anime since that’s sparked the feeling quite so strongly.

It’s fitting that this episode came out on World Book Day, given the theme.  And that’s one of those buttons I was talking about, books and the love of them.  I literally don’t remember a time when I didn’t love books and cats, it started so young.  And the social anxiety thing is there, too, though I never reached the stage Subaru is contending with – with me it was more general introversion, which I’ve learned to manage over the years because society demanded it.

I’d never really considered it, but for a cat, a hikikomori is just about the perfect human – especially one who’s just functional enough to be able to go out and buy food.  Having their human around all the time is a dream scenario for a house cat, especially an only child.  So when Subaru leaves for an extended period, that’s a pretty big shock to the system even though Haru hasn’t been with him that long.  And that’s just what he has to do for his book signing, something he’s understandably dreading (though Haru misinterprets the cause of Subaru’s odd behavior).

There’s some interesting role reversal here, as the formula with POV is shifted around and Haru goes first this time (though it weaves back and forth a bit).  She’s as stressed about Subaru leaving her alone as he is about why, and the entreaties of the likewise abandoned Taro (the neighbor dog) to keep him company don’t appeal to Haru.  So Haru does what stressed-out cats left alone sometimes do – she goes postal on the house.  The books, the clothes, especially the tissues (I’ve seen that one many a time) – clearly, this is a mangaka who knows her way around feline temper tantrums.

Meanwhile, Subaru is doing his best to cope with what’s surely one of the most stressful days of his life.  A book signing, my goodness – it’s hard to overstate on how many levels this is a nightmare scenario for someone like Subaru.  Not only does he have to be a captive audience for a succession of strangers, he’s expected to perform for them too – and social niceties are not something that comes naturally.  I think there is a part of him that deeply appreciates the notion that strangers find what he does to be valuable, even during his most anxious moments, and the guilt over his inability to express that is part of his overall angst.  Even as something as simple as signing his name (crooked!) is a stress-inducer.

The worm starts to turn when a woman notes how reading “Shining in the Dark of Night” (which I assume refers to Haru’s eyes, which basically grace the cover) kept her up all night.  That triggers something in Subaru (and in me, and any true book lover who’s done the same).  But the real magic happens when a young boy arrives, more nervous even than Subaru, but who manages to not only ask to have his book signed, but to request a handshake.  Obviously Subaru sees himself here, only he never showed the courage the lad does when he was his age.  Neurotics being neurotics, this makes Subaru stress over not having been more personable to the first wave at the signing, but even this is healthy – empathy is the way out the cage Subaru has built around himself.

And of course, what better way to develop empathy than to care for someone else?  What’s so beautiful is that even as he cares for Haru and grows as a person, Haru – naturally protective – is doing her best to care for Subaru.  They share a fear of abandonment, too (pretty much all pet cats do, but don’t tell the condescending dog lovers).  When Subaru comes home and finds the place trashed, his first thought (after the initial shock) is to see if Haru is all right (she’s found an interesting spot to sulk).  And even once he figures out she was responsible, there’s no anger, only concern – and that, too, is a sign of how much Subaru is growing.

Even the last few moments of the episode, switching back and forth between Haru’s perspective and Subaru’s, hit me where it hurts.  Subaru is convinced Haru is meowing at him to follow her because she’s hungry (well – she is) but in truth, she just wants him to eat something himself.  “It’d be cool if I could learn to understand her better.” Subaru thinks mournfully, and that’s the proof that he’s a lost cause – a cat person for life.  We’ve all thought it, and mournfully too – but my message to Subaru would be that you do learn.  Familiarity breeds understanding, and he’d be surprised by just how much understanding is really possible in this kind of relationship.